General Sexual Health Problemsstressed-man-loss-of-interest-in-sex-metromale-clinic-fertility-center

What is killing your sex drive?

Apart from a person’s age, there are several factors affecting his/her sex drive. They include:

  1. Stress
  2. Your Partner
  3. Less Sleep
  4. Too much alcohol
  5. Having a baby
  6. Becoming Overweight
  7. Erectile Dysfunction
  8. Depression
  9. Menopause
  10. Not spending time with your partner

It is common for every man that the sex drive comes down with age. Your testosterone levels are not the same when you were in your 20s and 30s and then in 40s. But, if you have significantly lost interest in sex than usual, you will have to think about the reasons that are killing your sex drive. Let us look at some of important factors that affect a man’s sex drive.


In today’s lifestyle, every one (including women & children) is going through tremendous stress. It can be work related or financial or house hold or even with education. Stress affects a person mentally (emotionally) and that is not well received by the body. When a man is stressed it affects the functioning of many soft organs in the body. It also affects the sexual desire and performance. If you can realize that stress is taking a toll on your body and if you are not able to control it and have a normal life, you will need a counsellor to help. You will need a good sex therapist if your married life is getting affected.


Your partner

Occasional difference of opinions between couples is common in a family. Things should get back to normal after petty issues. If they prolong, repeat very often and creates an emotional disconnect, it can lead to lack of sexual intimacy. Both of you need to spend time together at home or outside home and try to get back your emotional bonding. If you are not able to get your issues resolved, you must contact a therapist for help to keep your family together. In cases of lack of trust or if you have a sense of betrayal, you must speak to your partner openly and sort out the issues.


Lack of sleep

Sleep is very important; a restful good night sleep for at least 7 hours is a must for an individual to have an energetic rest of the day. If you are suffering from sleeplessness for any reason, you need to get it resolved, may it be because of psychological issues or due to a medical condition. If you are unable to have proper sleep because of any medication that you have started recently, you must contact the doctor immediately and report the same. Note that, stress may also be a cause of sleeplessness.  Lack of proper sleep can make your day dull, less energetic or fatigued and you may not even think about getting sexually intimate with your partner.

Having a baby

Taking care of baby is really a tiresome job for a mother along with taking care of the house/job and family. This typically leads to reduced interest in sex. As an understanding and loving husband, you need to appreciate the physical stress that your female partner is going through after child birth and try to help her in all possible activities. This can take away some stress and create a good emotional bonding between you two.  You can also hire a baby sitter to take care of your baby and go two can go out on quick dates to spend some personal time together.

Too much of alcohol

Excess alcohol consumption can kill your sex drive. It not only dehydrates you but also affects your body metabolism which can take a toll on your health and overall body weight. Consumption of alcohol or sexual advancement after consuming alcohol may not be liked by your partner. This can result in emotional disconnect and affect your intimacy.


Overweight & poor body image

Not only with consumption of alcohol, if you are not taking care of your body and your physical appearance, your partner may lose interest in having sex with you. You must work out regularly not only to keep your body in good shape but also for your overall good health.  Growing out of proportion in odd places can totally disfigure your body and kill your partner’s sex drive.

Erectile Dysfunction

As a man ages, testosterone levels go down and the frequency of erections also come down. This is common. But, if you are suffering from having erections before 40s or 30s, you must contact a good sexologist and get your problem sorted out. That doesn’t mean that having erectile dysfunction after 40s is ok. A healthy male will be able to perform sex at least until the age of 60 – 70 years. You will need to see a good sex specialist if you think you have low sex drive or are suffering from erection problems.


Many people go through a depressed phase in life due to various reasons. It may be related to work or due to issues with partner etc. Irrespective of the reason, if you are not able to enjoy your daily work and lose interest in everything and feel like being alone and do nothing, you must contact a therapist immediately for help. Depression can kill your libido and interest in sex. This can affect your family life too.


Menopause is a stage in every woman’s life when they stop menstruating. After menopause, women will not be able to conceive a baby. Their vagina becomes dry and itchy. Due to the hormonal changes, women also tend to lose interest in sex.  If the vagina doesn’t get wet as much as it should when a woman is aroused, this can lead to painful sex and further reduce her interest in sex. If you are woman and going through menopause phase or crossed it and unable to enjoy sexual intimacy with your partner, you must see a good gynaecologist to help you. You may be put on hormonal therapy or other medications as needed by your doctor.


Not spending personal time with your partner

Physical intimacy always starts with mental/emotional connect. If you are not spending time with your partner and focusing more on work on some other activity, this can result in emotional distance between and eventually you will tend to lose interest in sex with your partner. Such a scenario between couples can even lead to separation.

In short, apart from physical changes to your body that come with age or medication, you will need to maintain the emotional bonding with your partner at all stages of life. If you think you are not able to achieve it for whatever afore mentioned reasons or any other reasons, please seek help immediately. If you are having problems in your marital life or with your partner, you can see our marriage counsellor at Metromale Clinic & Fertility Center and seek required help for a happy married life.


  1. Hello doctor, i have premature ejaculation problem (within two minutes ejaculation happening). Is circumcision will help me to increase sex drive during?

    If i use spray which used to create numb feeling is reasonable helping me to do sex for longer but this might create major issues in future so I’m not using.( spray which available in market exclusively for sex)

    What I’m feeling is my glans is too soft and sensible so it causing premature ejaculation. If i do circumcision my glans will become less sensible so i do lost longer in bed.

    Please give your valuable advise what to do for good?

    • Ragunathan, circumcision can help a little in treating premature ejaculation.

      Right treatment would be to figure out the reason for PE and treat it. If you can, please see me at my clinic.

      Thank you,
      Dr. Karthik Gunasekaran

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